Episode 8 - Domestic Violence: A Modern Plague
Even with raised awareness and improved education, society continues to see shocking rates of domestic violence. So, what are we missing? What are we not wanting to see?
As usual, Serge Benhayon flips the topic on its head by taking the 100 steps back approach towards decency and respect. This spherical observation of humanity doesn’t tread the usual path of male persecution, it’s not bound by gender and brings back the personal responsibility required to truly action change.
Rebecca Asquith and Serge bring revelation after revelation. When we focus on ‘fixing’ domestic violence we fail to see the allowed abuse that has crept into our relationships along the way. Could there be abuse in an underhanded comment, raised eyebrow, cutting statement or even… hiding our own beauty in lieu of protection?
Just as domestic violence has no place in our community, this is a must watch episode to support bringing the depth of love back to relationships. Which really, we all want and deserve.
I agree with you and Serge, Gill, We are currently experiencing lockdown due to the Covid -19 viral outbreak and we all know that domestic violence has escalated as families are forced to stay at home with each other and this shows to me quite clearly that we do not know how to live within a family environment. We have bought into the lie that says what goes on behind locked doors stays behind locked doors and you can treat one another in the vilest of ways as long as it is not seen.
It’s interesting to note that the rates of domestic abuse have risen to new highs because of the self isolation due to Covid-19 – what is it about the human-being that we espouse the ‘family’ and yet we cannot live together as a family without being abusive to one another? I would personally say with the track record on how humanity usually deals with such figures we will bury them and pretend this isn’t happening. My guess is that the rates of domestic abuse will far out strip Covid-19 but society will not be told this. Are we being fed an energy that wants us to live in fear of the virus outbreak which simply distracts from what is truly going on in our lives and homes, whether with domestic abuse or any other ill aspect of our health and wellbeing?
I agree Gill we are not asked to take responsibility for loving ourselves first. I feel from my own experience that we were not held with love when we were babies and we feel the rejection of the love we are naturally born with, so even at such a young age we withdraw to protect our sensitivity to love or the lack of it. And as we grow up it is very clear that society expects us to toughen up and get on with life and that love and being sensitive has no place in our society.
Gill I agree with you this is a fascinating episode to watch as there is a call for greater responsibility which starts with ourselves first. When we master ourselves then there is no way we would abuse another because we would feel the depth of hurt within ourselves too. We have all had that feeling when we say or do something and wish we hadn’t but it cannot be taken back, we feel the guilt and hurt in our bodies that’s the boomerang effect.
Why is it we are not taught from young about abuse to ourselves and what we experience from our surroundings? Is it at all possible that if we are all being abusive towards ourselves and others it takes someone who does not abuse themselves and holds everyone else in the same non abusive quality to show us a different way to be. That someone to me is Serge Benhayon a mediator that can through example show a different way to be in life.
There is so much to uncover about domestic violence, it is not just about the statistics or how many people have been hit. It really is about understanding what goes underneath the surface between us as people which provides the basin for domestic violence to occur. Looking into every little aspect of our lives where we may be adding to the pool and eliminating that, because that is how we will tackle such a serious issue.
That’s the problem with normalisation of behaviour. We shut down to the energetic factor and allow physical actions to take place under the illusion that it is “behind closed doors”.
A bandage won’t sort this one out, for this we need to go way back and heal the root cause.
This is such an important conversation. There is often a lot of angst when you hear conversations about men and women. But there is no angst in this conversation. Just a gentle unpacking of what is going on for men and women, what’s going on in our relationships and a lot of understanding and to why we have gotten ourselves where we are now, in time. This conversation is the epitome of decency and respect – our building blocks for all of our relationships.
I agree Jennifer, Serge Benhayon has a way of unpacking life so that it is revealed as being simple. Unfortunately we as a society have lost decency and respect towards ourselves and each other and surely we must bring these back as the first step towards building love in our body and then with others. It seems to me that by losing connection with ourselves first we have lost our connection to all others.
This is such an important conversation as is goes there in terms of talking about the subtitles of what goes on in relationships and what occurs before any violence.
Domestic violence is definitely a dis-ease in our society as are many other things. It would be far more honest if we broadened our horizons to what is truly out of our order.
Abuse is living in the most subtle of places. I am seeing it more and more as I say no to the bigger things. I can see how manipulation can be abusive and it really does show where the world is at.
I saw a man today whilst I was at work and he was rough and tumble on the outside, but I could see very clearly how caring, attentive and very sensitive he was. It was actually very beautiful to observe and see how his rough and tumble exterior was just that.
Really quite incredible conversations. That offer us the opportunity to look at our own lives more deeply. Not to criticise or judge ourselves or others but to look at our lives as honestly as we can and see where we have contributed to the current state of our world. Serge is offering us more. It is up to us to stop and look at this ourselves or not.
I agree with you Jennifer, these conversations offer humanity an opportunity to look at how we respond to the world. One of the many lies we have fallen for is that as individuals we cannot make a difference, so what’s the use. Actually we can make a huge difference by reconnecting back to the love we all are and reflecting that back out. People do notice a difference because they are not imposed upon by the person who has connected to the love that is deep inside. So each of us has a part to play.
Domestic violence is rife and only so because of our tendency to hide it to ‘protect’ the ones we ‘love’.
An ancient and a modern plague, being slowly brought out in the open.
Why if we are ‘evolving’ as a society are we abusing each other more? This is about as backwards as it comes…
Such an important conversation on abuse. How far we have gone into the exploration of abuse is everywhere for us all to see and it is hurting us beyond measure. But yet we continue and delve further into its extremes. It is time for us to see that this is not the way and never has been the way.
Wow what a realisation to realise that not adoring or appreciating your partner is a form of abuse, this makes so much sense. We are sensitive beings and made of love this is why it hurts when someone is anything other then love.
It’s interesting to see how far domestic violence goes without it being a ‘real problem’ for the victim.
Serge Benhayon does such a great job here of bringing everything back to the foundations of how our societies live, or rather, how we live in our societies.
It’s so ingrained to look for someone else to blame, but life comes down to nothing more than if we have connected and looked after ourselves. The power we hold in this is extreme.
Joseph I spent many years in psychotherapy where I was taught it wasn’t my fault, but the fault of my parents they were to blame, not me for my waywardness. Just recently I read that a member of the Royal household was in ‘therapy’ and they were blaming one of their parents for what happened to them. When we live in a blame culture we can get away with anything because it is always someone else’s fault. We have built this culture of blame so that we do not have to look at our own responsibility in how we are with ourselves and others and it has no end. Hence why we are all in the mess we are in because no-one wants to take full responsibility for the choices they are making.
On the radio today, it was said there was another stabbing of a 16 year old in London, the 119th person this year. Where is the decency and respect we can be living with each other? We have forgotten our foundations of Love that is within us all.
We really can’t say we don’t have purpose in our life because we don’t go out or have a day off because there is always purpose in being loving with ourselves and holding ourselves in such a way that we don’t disregard or abuse others even in the most subtle ways.
A truly loving relationship has the potential to greatly evolve us. It is absolutely delicious to deepen and expand together and I would say very very healthy to do so. It makes sense that if we do not want to evolve, destroying the relationship by introducing abuse into it is a sure-fire way to do it.
If only conversations like this are part of normal life. Not only would life be far more interesting, the deeper honesty and openness to truth allows for a much greater capacity to heal and re-commit to life.
Joshua, through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have re-committed to life by healing my ‘hurts’ by understanding that I am worth more than the ‘hurts’ that I carried which were all consuming. There are no studies or workshops that can come close to what Serge Benhayon presents, which is the evolution back to our soul, this is all that matters, this is why we need to have these presentations to remind us all of the true purpose of life.
Education better than ever but health worse than ever… something just doesn’t add up here, and instead of defending it this video goes a long way to actually explore what could be missing from the equation.
If you really listen to what Serge says you will hear the antidote to life i.e. and I’m fully aware, you have to deal with your hurts — before you can have a clear vision on life and what is truly going on — Serge gives it away when he shares a man hurts when he has the inability to express his tenderness.
“a man hurts when he has the inability to express his tenderness.” This is a deeply touching statement to read.
Once again, Serge Benhayon presents bucket loads of common sense and wisdom. But the one thing that stood out for me today was the discussion around the socially accepted saying “boys will be boys”. I have come to absolutely hate this saying, as to me it feels like a ‘get out of jail free’ card, for any sort of anti-social, abusive or disruptive behaviour from our young boys and young men. In fact, it is the acceptance of these ill-behaviours as young boys that lays the foundation for them as men, a foundation that at present is not very often built on the honouring and respect of women. It’s time that changed!
As you say Ingrid the saying “boys will be boys” is a complete cop out from parents taking responsibility to raise their boys with at the bare minimum decency and respect for themselves and others. As a society we are failing, Parents are exhausted, families can be a very toxic environment to grow up in, the education system is broken beyond repair, Social media objectifies both sexes, so is it any wonder that both boys and girls grow up with a very warped sense of who they are?
When we look at the world do we see the ‘evolution’ of technology and function? Or do we see the dissolution of our relationships, connection and love?
“Could there be abuse in an underhanded comment, raised eyebrow, cutting statement or even… hiding our own beauty in lieu of protection?” I love this level of unearthing, too much is buried under the carpet for my liking. Let’s sweep the rug out and actually look at what we are dealing with here. This video is a great start.
If we really cared about our society wouldn’t we step up to the plate and do something about it? Or just sit around and talk about how bad it is… Serge Benhayon has inspired me to get up and do something rather than just pretend.
Stripping domestic violence back we can see that slowly by slowly we have allowed a progressional deterioration of our relationships to the point where we no longer say ‘no’ because we know we don’t want it, but we are forced to say ‘no’ because we are in physical danger.
There are more plagues in our society than we care to realise… just because it is not contagious doesn’t mean it’s not a disease!
There are pockets of dis -ease in all corner of the world and our lives. They continue to breed when we choose to ignore what is truly going on.
Yes that is what we need to do is install an education with our younger adults and children that it is about decency and respect. Which also starts in our own lives as well and with one another, if we look within our own back garden and start to make those loving changes for ourself then when we go to talk to our younger ones at least they can feel that it is coming from a place that is true and lived.
When you have experienced an extreme it is way too easy to accept the low level version.
Yes, if we encounter something really bad we can be more likely to accept something that is better but still pretty awful.
Our action should not be about preventing domestic violence, it should be about how to we preserve the innate delicacy of young boys so that they grow up knowing that they can stay that way.
To understand that abuse of any kind towards another begins with abuse towards ourself first, brings the responsibility of how we live our lives right back to us; there is no one to blame. But is humanity ready to hear this absolute truth, a truth that once lived will change the face of the lesser quality of society we have accepted for way too long.
Perhaps it is time for us to look beyond viruses and infections to identify plagues…
The end of this episode is so very powerful, because Serge and Rebecca take the ugly subject of domestic violence and bring it back to what it is really about – the lack of honouring of our intrinsic beauty and sensitivity, and this goes equally for men and women…amazing.
I love watching this episode, as here are two people who clearly care deeply about the state of humanity but are refreshingly not invested in any outcome or seeking to blame one party or another. True love holds all equal, as can be seen and felt in this conversation.
Yes, Ariana, bringing the truth to the reality of domestic violence means we all have to take responsibility for the quality of relationship we have with ourselves and then with one another.
I love how Serge does not cast blame on anyone or define us as victims and perpetrators, but brings it all back to the beautiful sensitivity within each and every one of us, and the responsibility we all have to foster this innate quality in ourselves and each other from young.
Only in our society do we need to differentiate between domestic and public violence… Surely just calling it all abuse and knowing it’s not acceptable is enough?
Amazing sharing and insight into how far we have dropped the bar in our relationships and exploring the level of abuse their is in our seemingly successful relations is by society standards. If we go from energetic standards life is very, very different.
Finally, an in-depth conversation about domestic violence and what is really going on with it. Thank you Rebecca Asquith and Serge Benhayon for the conversation that had to happen.
Yes, Elizabeth, this is the kind of conversation we need to have with each other all the time, as we start to reconnect to the innate sensitivity most of us have shut down some time ago.
Just because it’s normal doesn’t make it okay, and just because there is ‘worse’, one need not settle.
Yes, Michael. Serge clearly explains here how standards slide, as we become more and more cut off from our ‘beingness’ in living the joy and beauty of our true nature. I love how it all comes back to honouring the being.
We only see the horrible mass-death/disfigurements as plagues, but what if we took the energetic view and saw that there are plagues that have been woven in to every day normality?
We can so easily tread all over each other with our words and attitudes. When we focus on making our verbal and non-verbal communication all about love, we empower our selves to debase the violence we have so sadly come to accept as normal, as we resurrect Respect, Acceptance and Appreciation as the founding qualities in all our relationships with others and with self.
There is something very powerful about taking 100 steps backwards. It tells us, don’t look at where you are from where you are, look at where you are from who you are.
Another episode that everyone could gain some wisdom from, taking some steps back to see what is really going on.
It seems to me that we live in a society that is quick to blame and point the finger at each other and yet both men and women are contributing to the disrespect and dishonouring of each other.
A man is deeply sensitive, there cannot be any comparison for equally a man and woman in their essence are divine, gentle and sensitive. I am exposed here how I can go deeper in appreciating and adoring the sensitivity within myself and therefore within another.
What ultimately comes home to me from this very powerful and beautiful interview is that I have a responsibility and that responsibility is to adore myself, to accept and adore the beauty within, then no role of victim hood can play out in society for I am acknowledging and healing the hurts that arise from within and addressing them.
We definitely know we have set the bar too low when the words ‘well at least he doesn’t hit you’ are considered to be acceptable. In observing Serge Benhayon over many years it is very clear to me that the bar of decency he has set is extremely high but one we all ought to be accepting, and absolutely nothing lower.
Wow, to understand that not adoring each other is already abuse can be pretty confronting. As I reflect back to how often I forget to adore myself as well as adore others around me is a bit uncomfortable to be aware of and understanding that this is already an abusive choice is a huge eye-opener too. I have glimpses of feeling adored but I definitely do not feel adored consistently. This episode reminds me to absolutely adore everyone around me to the max and myself included and interesting to see how my relationship develops from here.
Domestic violence is not a cause of discontent in relationships, the discontent is there way before the violence begins.
Agreed Michael, why do we let relationships get this way? I know I have in the past allowed all levels of abuse in relationships and did so as it was normal but it was not true or loving in any way.
Appreciating that abuse of others arises first from self-abuse is a total game changer to how to resolve abuse and brings the responsibility right back to every single one of us.
I experienced a lot of abuse as a child and if I understood what you shared back then, I may have responded to the abuse very differently. Now my life is pretty much free of abuse and I am working on eliminating the very subtle forms of abuse by embracing responsibility and learning to love and adore myself more and more.
I remember growing up feeling suffocated by these ideas around about women being referred to as ‘sluts’ etc even if we do not sleep around…the judgement of our gender was there, to attempt to degrade and sully, When I look back it is so controlling to impose these ideas on both girls and boys, and we harm our entire lives and future generations to perpetuate and not challenge this behaviour.
Which should we focus on – War or Domestic violence? Knee-jerk reaction says war but a deeply felt into answer will reveal it is actually the latter.
It can be difficult to be super honest and real about how it first starts with our own abuse for ourselves. If and when we heal this and make loving choices towards ourselves then that naturally leads to those we are with. We wouldn’t accept anything that wasn’t loving.
If we have got to the point where we are abusing another, it is only possible because we have firstly been abusing ourselves. So then it follows the power to reduce the level of abuse in this world is in our hands, both literally and figuratively. This simply highlights that the attempts to reduce domestic violence are only temporary bandaids as the root cause of the problem is 100 steps back from the issue that has manifested.
So true and abuse is endemic in society at all levels, and most of us choose to abuse or abuse ourselves on some level. Abuse simply perpetuates more abuse, it escalates as we have low standards of what is acceptable for ourselves and each other.
Domestic violence should be our first port of call, not “sorting out the middle east”.
How extraordinary to say, that the deeper cause of some of our greatest problems is in the fact that we hold back our beauty. How simple would it then be to educate our children in ways of self-love and nurturing so that beauty is not something sought by external means or measures but to appreciate that it is actually in the expressive core of who you are.
Great point Shami. I have been wondering how to teach my children to be more open in sharing their beauty and I realise the reason I am struggling to lead the way is that I am shying away from showing the world my inner beauty. It is obvious that I can only inspire people around me through the quality of my movements and my willingness to express all of who I am.
I really feel how sensitive we all truly are, including men, and how abuse goes so much deeper than shouting or physical abuse. I notice it when I am not feeling so good in myself and then push my partner a bit away just by how I hold my body or what I say, this does affect my partner. It wasn’t until watching this thought that I can see that to stop this is to feel how beautiful I am in these moments so I am full-filled again and don’t need to abuse myself or protect myself.
We need to look back at the root of our actions, where they come from not just at the results. Such as how we hold back and do not live with responsibility, what are the ripples of this choice. This is huge. It turns victimhood, abuse, the dynamics of our relationships on its head.
I really get what you are saying Rebecca about the abuse that we can go into in relationships that has any form of expectations to it. In that moment we are saying that the other person is not enough or absolutely amazing for being who they are. It totally creates the space for further undermining each other and keeps each other in a place that is not of their true potential.
Keep each other in a space that does not honour our true potential leads us down the slide of resentment.
I can relate to what Rebecca shared about expectations on relationships. I can see so clearly now how placing expectations on someone is a huge destructive tool. It impacts on all our relationships every time we resort to using this as an excuse to not evolve. And, like you shared Natalie, the expectation is an undermining of each other and it blocks people from being who they are and it is one of the biggest killers in relationships.
We think we have a free ticket to live, so no wonder we resist hearing that we each are presidents of energy, dropping nuclear bombs of irresponsibility in our everyday life. So much easier to say we are powerless and blame somebody else.
I came to understand the depth of domestic violence during my term as house mother at our local women’s refuge some years ago. It was a huge wake up call for me as to what was going on behind closed doors and a time full of huge lessons. I used to wonder how a woman who had sought refuge and spent several months getting her life back together would then return to her partner, only to return to the house several months later under the same circumstances. It took a while, but finally I realised that this sort of home life was all some of the women knew, having grown up with violence as a daily normal. Therefore, the patterns were so ingrained that the cycle was often impossible to break, even though there was a part of them that really wanted to change the way they were living.
I love that these interviews take a look at human existence from outside the human perspective… so much more can be explained this way.
A perspective we have been blinded by for many centuries.
I listened to a presentation yesterday where it was addressed that the largest percentage of abuse occurs in homes not on battlefields, and what’s worse is it’s concealed between 4 walls so can be hidden whereas at least with the atrocities of war the wounds and casualties are evident.
Applying Serge Benhayon’s ‘100 steps’ process of looking at any issues to the plague of domestic violence, we would need to go right back to the beginning when a baby is born. A beautiful new born baby does not have an abusive bone in his/her body, so what happens to propel a man or woman to abuse not only others, but also themselves? I feel that the process of unravelling the answer to this question may take quite a few more steps.
We all actually know what is a level of decency and respect that we all deserve no matter what so when we have created a life that is void of this we are living in a lot of tension and self-abuse internally and potentially quietly ignoring every cell and particle in our bodies and what they are asking of us.
This is a great observation and something I can relate to in my life. We all feel that tension, it is definitely telling us something that we really need to feel and respond to.