Episode 8 - Domestic Violence: A Modern Plague

Even with raised awareness and improved education, society continues to see shocking rates of domestic violence. So, what are we missing? What are we not wanting to see?

As usual, Serge Benhayon flips the topic on its head by taking the 100 steps back approach towards decency and respect. This spherical observation of humanity doesn’t tread the usual path of male persecution, it’s not bound by gender and brings back the personal responsibility required to truly action change.

Rebecca Asquith and Serge bring revelation after revelation. When we focus on ‘fixing’ domestic violence we fail to see the allowed abuse that has crept into our relationships along the way. Could there be abuse in an underhanded comment, raised eyebrow, cutting statement or even… hiding our own beauty in lieu of protection?

Just as domestic violence has no place in our community, this is a must watch episode to support bringing the depth of love back to relationships. Which really, we all want and deserve.

130 comments

  • Mary August 12, 2017   Reply →

    I was absolutely riveted by what was being exposed by Rebecca Asquith and Serge Benhayon. What we as a society have said is ‘normal’ is so very far away from the truth, to me normal is not true. What has been exposed and brought out into the open at last is the rampant abuse between the male and the female. I can say from my own experience how subtle a female can be that can completely devastate a male with out lifting a finger. To me both parties have a responsibility towards each other to at the very least treat each other with decency and respect.

  • Natalie Hawthorne August 12, 2017   Reply →

    This is such an important topic and we all need to take responsibility for the part we have in this game of disrespect. I can totally remember being a teenage girl and seeing if I can score a guy full well knowing that he was just up for as much as he could get, and all I really wanted was a level of intimacy that I just couldn’t seem to find anywhere else. That this was the only way. Not until my late 20’s did I realise that I didn’t enjoy these kinds of relationships and that I deserved much more respect than this and that I too needed to give that to others.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 17, 2017   Reply →

      The invitation to not just limit our attention to fixing the end issue, but as you have so beautifully reflected take many steps back to deepen our awareness of the dynamics at play is immensely supportive. It lets us see our own part in the situation and also gain a deeper understanding of others caught in the perpetration of abusive behaviour.

  • Andrew Upfill August 12, 2017   Reply →

    Domestic Violence is something which has many subtle layers but when broken back to the perpetrator and victim as it is in a court of law, it fails to expose the origin of the cause and hurt that may have led to the act of harm. There is no excuse for domestic violence – but perhaps there is also a lack of simple understanding too?
    This conversation is brilliant for exposing the belief that if domestic violence is free from physical harm, that it is not abuse, and reveals the underlying cause is a lack of appreciating as humans that we are the same and that our ‘beingness’ is something we can all raise our awareness of and responsibility towards. That awareness can shift the dominant paradigm. Deeply appreciate this conversation.

  • Natallija August 12, 2017   Reply →

    The stripping back of the 100 steps is such a powerful tool for all to use and feel. Viewing this episode, it is so humbling to hearing the games both genders play in keeping themselves short of being what is innately true to us all. OUR AMAZINGNESS!

    • Vicky Cooke September 11, 2017   Reply →

      Yes and we can use the stripping back to the 100 steps with everything in life in order to start to get to the true root of it.

  • Ingrid Ward August 12, 2017   Reply →

    Serge Benhayon has certainly set the bar high for the quality of decency and respect for his fellow men, and that’s where it needs to be – simply as an accepted normal in life not as something that is too hard to achieve. We all want to be treated with decency and respect and that’s natural, but it then naturally follows to treat others in that exact same way.

  • Abby August 12, 2017   Reply →

    What do you get when two people dedicated to representing humanity and the ageless wisdom discuss the topic of domestic violence?.. Absolute Gold, no stone left unturned, a complete blessing for all to watch and experience. I walk away from watching this understanding exactly what abuse is, how it develops and unravels and how to restore a life with no tolerance for abuse at all. Thank you, thank you, thank you Serge Benhayon, Rebecca Asquith, Jonathan Baldwin, Clayton Lloyd and the entire production team for bringing this together.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 16, 2017   Reply →

      This sets the bar for a great TV programme …. and in fact any great discussion. The level of love, care and honouring of people – those in conversation, those the conversation is about, every one else who might be involved as well as the audience – is huge. As well as the amazing insights and wisdom gained, I am supported to be more expanded, understanding and loving in life.

  • Ariana Ray August 12, 2017   Reply →

    This episode is gold – and some. I love that we can take ‘the 100 steps back approach towards decency and respect.’ Something the world sorely needs.

  • Mary August 13, 2017   Reply →

    Serge and Rebecca between them have lanced a festering boil of humanity and exposed that at the core of our being we are all exquisitely sensitive and in trying to protect this sensitivity we are abusing ourselves and each other and calling our relationships normal. This clear expose, I feel that will be a catalyst which will bring about a much needed shift in our society. They have dared to go where no one else has gone before and gifted us all the absolute truth of the nub of our abuses.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 13, 2017   Reply →

    “Hiding our own beauty in lieu of protection” causes the other person to feel a rejection at a deep level and is a form of abuse! I love the depth of care and sensitivity to which Serge Benhayon always takes the topic.

    It is never about finger pointing , blaming any one or trying to find a ‘solution’, but to keep deepening our awareness to the sensitivity and tenderness within all of us, and what this means in terms of us healing from our own hurts and ensuring our lives honour each person’s essence.

  • rosanna bianchini August 13, 2017   Reply →

    “Sexual abuse has become a cultural norm” is quite a difficult statement to process, when we see all around us the result of degrading standards of respect and decency. The horse has already bolted but it’s time we reined ourselves back in as a society and take a steady look at exactly what it is we are doing to one another. So many ways forward are shared in this series.

  • Ariana Ray August 13, 2017   Reply →

    For it to be said that if we hold back our beauty we are being abusive, that is extraordinary. It turns all the values the world has on their heads and about time. Serge Benhayon, you bring to gold time and time again and change the world for all time.

    • Michael Brown September 2, 2017   Reply →

      It really re-evaluates our standards and calls us to be responsible to our own livingness, not just to what society says.

  • leigh matson August 13, 2017   Reply →

    I’ve listened to a lot of presentations from Serge Benhayon and as with this interview the strong theme I feel is that changing the world can be very simple, even just in how we parent, because children are naturally tender and loving and supporting children to be themselves, allows those tender, loving children to grow up to be tender, loving adults. And today’s adults can also be tender and loving the more we care for and support that love that is within ourselves to come out.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh September 5, 2017   Reply →

      The awareness that we are all naturally tender and loving inside is a fundamental place to start from in every situation. I have at times been deeply moved to hear of the moments when with this level of love and honouring, even the most hardened people have at times opened up to reconnect to this tenderness within them and ended up weeping the deep sadness that had resulted in their harsh external mannerism. You are correct it can be very simple.

  • Susan Green August 13, 2017   Reply →

    Another great interview with Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith. I have always been very upset by violent behaviour and so it was interesting to hear that the most violent behaviour is a mask for the depth of beauty and divinity that we actually are. To fight this beauty enables this extreme to be played out, and the more love that is available to us, the more intense this extreme becomes. So instead of getting caught up in the emotion of it, through a deeper understanding we can see something else much more significant is at play.

  • Lieke Campbell August 13, 2017   Reply →

    Yes imagine for a woman to be adored and truly held as precious everywhere she goes and for a men to be seen and adored for the tenderness that he is and the deep care that he brings. That would be a whole different world and boy would we like to go everywhere we need to go.

  • Joshua Campbell August 13, 2017   Reply →

    Abuse happens first when we don’t honour what we feel in our body. Dismissing our body is only going to lead to us dismissing others. It is amazing though to consider the extent to how self-minded our society is though because so often we only think of the harm we do to ourselves only affecting us let alone others especially those we hold dearly in our lives.

    • Natallija August 28, 2017   Reply →

      How often do we do this to ourselves let alone in other relationships? This episode has its finger on the pulse when we stop to have a look at how far we have strayed from our inner self and what we know is truly the way to live as men and women.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 14, 2017   Reply →

    What a gorgeously refreshing example provided here about how we can approach such issues as abuse in our society without animosity and blame, but taking it right back to understanding the essence of the human being and the devastation felt, regardless of gender, when we are not honoured at that level.

    It is very helpful realising that abuse occurs on such subtle levels way before it turns to the extreme forms of behaviour we may now be facing and sets the foundation for what follows. And in this regard all of us have a part to play in ensuring that society is deeply honouring of all people all the way.

    • Rowena Stewart September 1, 2017   Reply →

      It is so refreshing to hear this topic being discussed without blame and anger I agree Golnaz. Taking the longer view at the root of the problem enables us to understand that the root of all violence stems from a lack of sensitivity towards one our selves and another, that left un-addressed balloons into the extreme acts so common today. It puts a whole new light on the ill effect we have on one another when we become guarded, defensive or sullen or when we impose our ideals on each other. We can turn the tide on these behaviours very simply when we appreciate and cherish just how delicate and sensitive we all are.

  • James Nicholson August 14, 2017   Reply →

    Taking all the steps back to the core of who we are to address the issue of abuse rather than simply looking at the last step, the outplay of events. Abuse starts very subtly when at first we do not honour and value ourselves then we lose respect and decency towards those around us. When we use love as our marker then anythign less than love is abuse. Whereas what society tends to do is use physical violence as a marker for abuse, so if there is nothing physical then its not abuse, which is crazy when we look at it this way. I know for me psychological abuse, ie. the way I am being spoken to, ignored etc.. can and has been far more hurtful for me.

  • Fumiyo Egashira August 14, 2017   Reply →

    “If you hold back your beauty, you are abusing people” – wow. I even had a problem accepting that there truly was beauty in me to begin with – and I am sure others have felt the same of themselves. That is how far we have come away from the truth of what we are.

    • Natallija August 18, 2017   Reply →

      Yes this quote struck a chord with me as well. How often do we play small with just this one sentence and make everything else much bigger and complicated then needed? In true style Serge Benhayon brings life and our living back to basics.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 14, 2017   Reply →

    What if love, sensitivity and the greatest level of tenderness, as shown by young children, is actually our true essence? What if any expression that does not hold true to this, is actually showing us that all was not been well for a long time before the issue eventually explodes in our face? What is our responsibility when we have allowed things to get to that point?

    Serge Benhayon is great at shedding light on a topic, so that regardless of our previous history with it, you come away with a greater understanding, inspiration, empowerment and a renewed sense of responsibility.

  • Shami August 15, 2017   Reply →

    It is quite extraordinary the way that Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith are so able to talk about such a huge subject as domestic violence without instigating any kind of righteousness or anger or blame. there is simply a sincere enquiry that is met with absolute love for everyone equally. this truly is the greatest tv show on earth.

  • Natallija August 15, 2017   Reply →

    ‘Protection’ is the plague of our current world climate. It is not then surprising to hear what has been shared in this video about the lengths we will go to protect ourselves in one way, yet harm in a far greater way.

  • Ariana Ray August 15, 2017   Reply →

    Domestic violence is the modern plague, and it is because we all accept abuse. We allow it in the world and do not stand up for truth or love when these are who we are.

  • Alison Valentine August 15, 2017   Reply →

    It makes sense, we are not educated to know and understand what decency and respect mean, and we are not parenting with these two words in mind. Being aware that how we interact with each other on a day to day basis can be abusive, and is now accepted as the ‘norm’. What Serge Bnehayon says makes sense, we need to tackle the issues of abuse long before it gets to the point of physical abuse. There is so much in this video and I will be back to hear it many times, it truly is a revolutionary way of looking at why we are so abusive towards each other.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 18, 2017   Reply →

      We need to take a serious look at just what we put in our basket of great education.

      There is too much focus on gaining titles and accolades (the fact that in some countries people buy these as privileges shows how divisive, yet meaningless these can be. Also as you rightly observe not much focus on decency, respect and other factors that actually support us to deeply connect to other people, stay true to our heartfelt purpose and live a loving life.

      I can categorically say I have learned far more about life, understand far more about people, and am far more empowered in the world since I met Serge Benhayon than I had throughout my education which included a degree in psychology.

    • Rowena Stewart August 29, 2017   Reply →

      Agreed Alison, there is much to be gleaned from this episode as with all the others. This is setting a new awareness of something we have long forgotten, a return to a level of respect and decency that is our natural way to be. A powerful resource for all humanity to learn from.

  • Natalie Hawthorne August 16, 2017   Reply →

    W O W so much in this presentation and I was enthralled the whole way. It makes so much sense the depths of issues with Domestic Violence and it is so refreshing to hear someone speak up and call out what is really going on. Rejection on any level is going to create hurt. I didn’t really see myself as part of Domestic Violence, but if I am not embracing and living the almighty beauty within then I am. That is a big pill to swallow. A massive opportunity for us to stop and reflect our part in this. Thanks Rebecca Asquith and Serge Benhayon for yet again a doozy of an interview.

  • John O Connell August 17, 2017   Reply →

    When listening to the recording , I was thinking how the education system has sex education but no love education no virtue education its strange when one considers the beauty of making love and being love.
    And the education system have basically put it down to sex education which is about as Serge Benhayon expressed ” Sex education is about not getting pregnant “

    • Jonathan Stewart August 25, 2017   Reply →

      Yes, John, this is an indictment not only of our education system but is a reflection of the accepted loveless society prevalent today and has been for centuries.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 17, 2017   Reply →

    How is it possible to observe the most hideous behaviours, stand for the fact that they are not acceptable, yet never point the finger and blame anyone? How can a deep love, honouring and understanding of those who end up perpetrating or being at the end of abusive behaviour, go hand in hand with holding personal responsibility as an important and fundamental quality?
    Another conversation with Serge Benhayon packed with outstandingly refreshing insights into our relationship with the issues we are facing in our world.

  • Ingrid Ward August 18, 2017   Reply →

    Coming to the understanding that men suffer hugely from rejection has totally changed the way I see men, and it certainly makes so much sense of the relationships I have had with men in the past. Now I have, as Serge Benhayon put it, a “brand new canvas of understanding” and from this new beginning I can already feel the difference in how I approach my relationships with the men in my life. This presentation is the gold that so many are searching for as to why there is a struggle with building true relationships in our lives.

  • Gill Randall August 18, 2017   Reply →

    What an incredible episode, it exposes how we have been living so far away from where we should be. Serge Benhayon takes the problem of domestic abuse way back 100 steps to understand this. Abuse happens on so many levels in all areas of our lives before it develops into domestic violence. We know we are extremely sensitive as human beings and we pick up on all the subtle cues. Women can diminish men with the constant undermining and men can make gestures that dismiss women. We need to stop the blame game and start right now not beating ourselves up but living the real essence that we are.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 22, 2017   Reply →

      Just acknowledging how sensitive and tender we all are will be a great start. When we acknowledge our own sensitivity we can understand that the rigid protection we have been hiding behind has been suffocating the expression of our true essence.
      And when we let ourselves recognise the same exquisite delicateness in others, we would not so easily continue to so harsh and uncaring in our behaviour.
      We live in cycles and what goes round comes round. Wherever we stop the abuse and bring in love, honouring and care of one another is a perfect starting point.

  • Alison Valentine August 18, 2017   Reply →

    Addressing extremes doesn’t work. It is true the murders that we see at the moment through the cowardly and seemingly indiscriminate attacks all over the world are an example of this, the attacks are getting more frequent. As Serge Benhayon presented, we don’t see the beauty in each other and in nature any more. Does a husband adore his wife for who she is and express this on a daily basis and if not why not? These are the things we need to address for we are part of the mass that causes these extremities to happen by our own lack of care for ourselves and each other. We can not blame or point the finger at others without first looking at our own lives and taking responsibility for the areas where we have been contributing to the whole.

  • Rik Connors August 18, 2017   Reply →

    This is beautiful beyond what we see or normally listen to. You just need to strip yourself back too when you listen to it. Your perception is exposed in every question especially when you listen to it again. You realise that what both Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith are expressing is absolute gold. The truth we can work on and claim as a society. A reality check worth making a reality..

  • Stephen Gammack August 19, 2017   Reply →

    It interests me greatly to explore the role that a man can play in supporting women to feel the support of men who are loving, caring and decent. It is a responsibility that we men definitely have to uncover our tenderness and not hold it back in how we live.

  • HM August 19, 2017   Reply →

    Another very powerful piece of education. What I find pretty huge is the statement that men are naturally tender. I see this in men who I know, and to see them in their tenderness is like nothing else. Sometimes I can even react to it because they can be more gentle than I am being. But at the end of the day, my whole body knows this is the truth, and that the picture we have painted of a macho man is so far from the power that tenderness brings.

  • Gill Randall August 19, 2017   Reply →

    We have a beauty within we are not feeling, and not feeling this, we are abusive to ourselves. Serge Benhayon reveals here so much about how we live.. “The horrors of society are a mere concealment of the truth of who we truly are”. When we know we are so very sensitive, we can feel we are worth looking after.

  • Leigh Strack August 20, 2017   Reply →

    “If we are not adoring ourselves, we are abusing everyone around us”. Self love, understanding, acceptance and appreciation is a responsibility we all have if abuse of any sort is to be halted. Not just when it becomes extreme, but at its roots, in how we care for and live in our life.

  • Leigh Strack August 20, 2017   Reply →

    The beauty that is offered in this program has left me speachless, men feeling the hurt of rejection and women not living their nurturing qualities and it being the tension of living against our natural essence (tenderness and nurturing) that births abuse. Priceless information that supports any who wishes to understand the hurts we hold that turn into abuse.

  • HM August 21, 2017   Reply →

    So true that if we do not address abuse at the subtle levels, then we don’t take away the tension that leads to the physical abuse. We as a society are not willing to see the whole picture and the roles we have in abuse in all areas of our life. And this is so needed to change what is currently going on.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 21, 2017   Reply →

    “Could there be abuse in an underhanded comment, raised eyebrow, cutting statement or even… hiding our own beauty in lieu of protection?” Just considering this question brings up the awareness that we are each so much more sensitive than we give people credit for.
    We can mock those that show that they are hurt so easily, but the fact is every one of us at a deep level register these things and can feel slighted whether we acknowledge it or not.
    A very insightful look at domestic abuse inviting us to expand our awareness and understanding, and deepen the level of our responsibility.

  • Natalie Hawthorne August 22, 2017   Reply →

    I had no idea that I had a level of exquisiteness within until I attended Universal Medicine and Serge Behayon’s workshops, courses and presentations. The modalities that I have experienced through this has enabled me to connect to this deep precious exquisiteness and I now know exactly what Serge Benhayon is saying when he says it is abuse if we are not honouring this ourselves and that others are also honouring this.

  • Jonathan Stewart August 22, 2017   Reply →

    This programme brings a whole new, deep and profound understanding of the causes underlying not only domestic abuse but all abuse that needs to be promulgated and disseminated as widely as possible.

  • Rowena Stewart August 22, 2017   Reply →

    This takes our understanding of how to tackle this dire behaviour to a whole new level, one that we can personally take responsibility for, even if we are not victims of abuse our selves. It is very empowering to understand how subtly abuse begins and how tolerating this behaviour then feeds the more extreme reactions. Addressing the low-key habits within ourselves empowers us to dismantle the constructs behind the many and bizarre acts of cruelty so common in our world at present.

  • Katerina Nikolaidis August 23, 2017   Reply →

    What an amazing interview on a topic that impacts everyone. Deep down we all want loving relationships. It is in the very essence of who we are. I love how Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith strip all the layers back as to why domestic violence is so rife today – no blame on one gender or the other but really looking at how and why we have settled for so much less in our lives. We drop the standard and the extremes respond. And the standard gets lowered yet again and on it goes – while all along the first most fundamental thread of abuse is the choice not to adore ourselves, and therefore, each other.

  • Samantha Chater- England August 23, 2017   Reply →

    I can’t believe how refreshing it is to hear this subject being talked about so sensitively, so in depth without one hint of blame.

  • Rowena Stewart August 23, 2017   Reply →

    What Serge Benhayon is presenting here through these interviews are the guiding principles by which we can and will recover our true societies. There are many people who are discovering that when these principles are put into action they deliver robust, loving, truthful and harmonious relationships that weather the usual stressors in life because of the depth of lived integrity. These interviews are a very rich resource for the whole of humanity.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh August 24, 2017   Reply →

    What if similar to how illness and disease is a sign that we have been living contra to our body’s natural alignment, any unloving behaviour is a sign that we have been faced with something we were unable to deal with and have at that point chosen to abandon our sensitivity and other true qualities? What if every person displaying abuse has already been completely devastated by a perhaps more subtle, but no less painful abuse way back in the process? How would this impact the way we view the escalating trend of abuse in society and what needs to be done to turn it round?
    I love the deeper understanding and approach inspired here.

  • Rowena Stewart August 24, 2017   Reply →

    I really appreciate how we are brought back to paying attention to the details of life, the tone and quality of our own expression, in order to restore harmony. We are all extremely sensitive to how we are spoken to, so surely it makes sense to take responsibility for how we speak to others first and foremost. Anything said in irritation, anger or sarcasm cuts deeply and hence initiates a chain reaction that somewhere down the road can get way out of control. Taking responsibility for the tone, quality and words we use is an essential starting point in addressing these extreme behaviours.

  • Jonathan Stewart August 24, 2017   Reply →

    Acknowledging the truth of the sensitivity, tenderness and vulnerability of men brings a whole different approach to everything that it means ‘to be a man’.

  • Jonathan Stewart August 24, 2017   Reply →

    To have exposed and so clearly delineated that the first link in the chain of abuse is not loving and adoring oneself is a transformational revelation.

  • Rowena Stewart August 25, 2017   Reply →

    It is a powerful expose of how extreme abuse begins with such subtle nuances, the tone of our voice or the quality of a movement we make to another. When we take responsibility for the integrity of our every expression, then we will make big inroads into addressing such gross violence and disregard.

  • Jonathan Stewart August 25, 2017   Reply →

    As Serge Benhayon so correctly says addressing the extreme behaviours has and does not resolve the cause or prevent the behaviour and that the way, in truth, to eliminate such behaviour is in fact to celebrate and confirm the beauty and tenderness of men and women. What a different world we will be living in when this becomes the accepted and common practice.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh September 3, 2017   Reply →

      We can only be abusive and uncaring to others or ourselves when we are lost to ourselves. If we are aware of and accepting our true essence of love, tenderness and wisdom, that is all we will express.

  • John O Connell August 25, 2017   Reply →

    Its amazing we have abuse at any level towards another, but when Serge Benhayon explains that ” when we abuse some one it starts at self abuse “. The fact that we have committed self abuse gives us the false understanding that abuse is allowed at some level and the more abuse is allowed the more the self abuse grows and so it goes. It’s great to be able to understand that one of the keys to prevent abuse is self care, self love. and self non-abuse and this emanates out.

  • Ingrid Ward August 25, 2017   Reply →

    I love the fact that Serge Benhayon is presenting that men are naturally tender and it is not just something that he ‘preaches’, it is what he lives. It is so easy to observe this innate tenderness in little boys but generally as they grow there is very little support to nurture and encourage the retaining of this natural part of them so slowly they begin to harden. But the tenderness never goes away, it waits underneath the hardness for the man to be reminded of who is naturally is and to make the choice to connect to it once again; and this is what we, both men and women, have so much to thank Serge for.

  • Aimee Edmonds August 27, 2017   Reply →

    I was on the edge of my seat listening to this revelatory interview. I watched it in two parts, so got to experience and observe in-between how abuse plays out in my life. I live with three gorgeous men and I can see how what was shared about men feeling rejected by just a single look or a comment is absolutely true. I knew this and saw it to a degree before this interview but since, my goodness it is life changing and a great opportunity to actually ask them, ‘how did you feel when I said that?’. Thank you Rebecca Asquith and Serge Benhayon for going there time and again to unsettle the status quo in society that we have accepted as our norm.

  • Samantha Chater- England August 27, 2017   Reply →

    This is an absolutely fantastic, mind blowing episode, highlighting the responsibility that both men and women have for living in a way that does not in anyway abuse themselves of another.
    This episode takes abuse back to look at what is truly going on.

    • Otto Bathurst September 2, 2017   Reply →

      This is the key Samantha and the world-changing wisdom that resides in this episode. Society needs to be prepared to walk the 100 steps back to the root cause.

  • Vicky Cooke August 27, 2017   Reply →

    WOW so much is shared here. I work in a Sexual Health and Wellbeing service for young people so to hear the part about sex education and to first talk about respect and decency was really helpful to hear. I do bring an element of this with my work but can feel how there is so much more to discuss with the young people regarding this. The two other main things I heard listening to this today were ‘just addressing the extremes does not work’ this makes perfect sense of course it would not work they are extremes! we need to go back/look back as to why they are there in the first place. But in many situations that is exactly what we currently try to do .. address the extremes like putting a band aid on that will either fall off or to let the wound get worse. Which then brings it to the third and very important point that was raised by Serge ‘the horrors of society are a mere concealment of the amazingness that we truly are!’ Now this is absolutely worth pondering as well as a much needed discussion on. For how crazy is it that in order to conceal the amazingness that we really are we instead create horrors!!! Like hello!

  • Natalie Hawthorne August 27, 2017   Reply →

    When we are not part of a situation that is abusive then it seems only normal not to feel you have added to it. The Responsibility that Serge Benhayon is presenting here means for any ounce of abuse that is happening in the world that we are not calling out as abuse then we are just as equally taking part in it. This is massive to accept. I struggle with this when I see what is actually going on and I know I am not aware to the full extent of what is at play. To make the change and bring responsibility into our world and life starts with where we are not adoring, appreciating and celebrating our exquisiteness in our being. Time to start cherishing me on a much deeper level.

  • Stephen Gammack August 28, 2017   Reply →

    The statistics on sexual abuse are shocking, 1 in 3 girls affected by abuse is a sad indictment of the values we have fostered. It is up to us all to change that and role model as men in particular, behaviour that puts respect foremost in everything we do. The more men showcase respect in their relationships the more it is out there for all women to see also that they should accept nothing less than deep care by gentle decent, tender men. Equally women not accepting any forms of abuse is a huge part of the change we need to see as it gives young girls the examples of what they should never accept less than in their everyday lives.

  • kehinde James August 28, 2017   Reply →

    A brilliant exploration of domestic violence and re-definition of abuse at subtle levels. It exposes abuse as a prevalent everyday occurrence in many relationships with most unaware their relationships lack love, decency and respect.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh September 1, 2017   Reply →

      What you have mentioned is hugely significant Kehinde.
      Once we observe the more subtle levels of abuse and realise that the end extremes are not appearing out of thin air, we are in a position to address the situation when it is not so out of hand.
      But this level of awareness I find often shows us levels of abuse we ourselves are inflicting that we could otherwise remain oblivious to.

  • kehinde James August 28, 2017   Reply →

    Thank you Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith for this interview. Rarely has domestic violence been examined and explored with such openness, clarity and sensitivity supporting us to understand what is really going on at many levels. Domestic violence is genderless, men and women equally responsible for the quality of their relationship, this needs to be said. Much to reflect on here and a second viewing called for.

  • Jennifer Ellis August 29, 2017   Reply →

    Wow I loved this episode… ‘hold back your beauty and this is abuse’ sounds extreme but in the context of what Serge Benhayon has presented here, it makes perfect sense. We have become so desensitised to what is abusive… relegating the word to encapsulate physical violence or verbal abuse and aggression, but how we apply the word depends on what our marker has become for being truly loving. And truly loving can only extend as an emanation from us being connected to that love within us. Hence anything less than the fullness of love we are, is less that another will feel and receive while around us.

  • Leonne August 29, 2017   Reply →

    What an eye opener. No excuse for any abusive behaviour be it from a woman or a man. Discussed with great understanding brought to the reasons why we choose to abuse and allow abuse to occur.

  • kehinde James August 29, 2017   Reply →

    Second viewing and this time, I see parallels between society’s fixation with extreme violence, whether it be domestic or so-called ‘terrorist’ related with a refusal to acknowledge the 100 subtleties that went unnoticed before the violence: hurt, rejection, and absence of love. However bad acts of violence to communities are, demonising perpetrators and holding victims as ‘innocent’ misses the point. There’s always a lot more going on beneath the surface and we, wittingly or not, play our part. A revelation to understand the part we play: whenever we allow one ounce of self abuse, we become abusers and or give permission for others to be the same.

  • Ariana Ray August 29, 2017   Reply →

    ‘When we focus on ‘fixing’ domestic violence we fail to see the allowed abuse that has crept into our relationships along the way.’ This abuse is what is so insidiously settled into what we call ‘normal’. How normal abuse has been accepted in our lives.

  • Andrew Mooney August 30, 2017   Reply →

    I love this interview! It brings so much understanding to human condition and completely takes away the adversarial approach or battle of the sexes or the blame game. We are all equally responsible for the abuse that we have allowed to become normalised in society and it starts with how we are with ourselves – simple.

  • Debra August 30, 2017   Reply →

    I chose not to look at this episode for a long time, thinking that it wasn’t anything that really concerned me. How wrong I was. Once I started watching I was glued to my seat and could see how when things are way out of kilter, we are all affected, and ultimately all have our part to play in bringing back the harmony.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh September 1, 2017   Reply →

    If we look at the escalating level of abuse and the decreasing levels of responsibility and accountability, we can clearly see that our strategies of blaming people and trying to fix issues after they have happened has never truly worked. This episode offers a far deeper understanding and approach. As always with Serge Benhayon presenting the topic in a way that inspires reflection, clarity, empowerment and personal responsibility.

  • Otto Bathurst September 1, 2017   Reply →

    The depth to which Serge Benhayon takes us is exactly how we need to approach issues like this. Otherwise we will be forever chasing our tails and the abuse will continue – in fact it will increase as the tension between what we live and what we are hurts us more and more.

  • Natalie Hawthorne September 2, 2017   Reply →

    We can simply not deny the wisdom and love that Serge Benhayon is sharing in all these episodes. With a deep love for humanity and his life committed to living in such a way that his focuses is on being all that he is, that we too are, means he has access to a wisdom that is so accurate and precise that is delivered so clearly and transparently you can’t help but be fully focused and drawn to watching and listening to it. The lived truth is felt and it is extremely powerful. Thank you Serge you are the best ever.

  • HM September 2, 2017   Reply →

    We are indeed at a time in society where everything is telling us to open our eyes. For 1 disease to bankrupt us, for abuse to get to a point where it has become normalised reflects we are not wanting to see everything that has come before and say ‘no’ to abuse.

  • Natallija September 3, 2017   Reply →

    Nothing less than adoring another is an exquisite marker for us all. Thank you Serge Benhayon for setting the standards.

  • Ariana Ray September 3, 2017   Reply →

    I met a couple yesterday who told me how sick they were of the fact that almost everyone accepted abuse as normal, they couldn’t figure it out why abuse was accepted at all. It’s not normal and yet inch by inch we have allowed it to pervade society. It is time for a stop to this and that is what Serge Benhayon talks about here. We cannot continue to allow abuse to run riot like it does, we need to call a stop to it in our own lives and in the society we live in.

    • Rachel Murtagh September 4, 2017   Reply →

      I agree Ariana, we have allowed abuse to become so normal, so part of our every day life that we don’t stop to question its existence. Yet, it is not normal and it cuts the bone… even a nasty look or gesture hurts. How amazing is it then, that Serge Benhayon is calling it out for what it is and bringing an underlying understanding of why and how we have got to the point we have. This is the very start of the beginning at looking at this issue in our lives.

  • Alison Valentine September 3, 2017   Reply →

    Our tone of voice is already an indicator of whether we are being abusive or not If a women’s voice is not nurturing and the man’s voice is not tender this is already abusive. It may seem a bit extreme but if we don’t recognise this in ourselves, our level of understanding of decency and respect is already diminished and this is how we can begin to accept behaviours from others that are not loving or caring.

  • Jonathan Stewart September 4, 2017   Reply →

    Understanding and appreciating that there two aspects of the human being, ‘the human’ and ‘the being’ brings a whole new and far more meaningful understanding of what it means to be ‘a human being’ and how to bring healing to the human being.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh September 4, 2017   Reply →

    Until Serge Benhayon’s invitation to expand my awareness I did not consider that the natural tendency for all men is tenderness, caring, genuineness and intimacy, and that if they are anything other than this, the question to ask is ‘what is getting in the way of the man expressing his true essence?’
    I now realize all those times that I approached a man in protection, expecting him to be brutish and insensitive and did not relate to him as the sensitive tender man that in essence he is, I was being abusive.

  • Tricia Nicholson September 4, 2017   Reply →

    Domestic violence and the real depth of what is going on in the world in our homes and society as a whole is offered here for us all to really take a hundred steps back to how it has all started, where it comes from and how we can make a difference to what is now considered as normal and acceptable when it is clearly not. A real understanding of the human, and the being aspect to us, and the real sensitive tender beauty we all are in our being that we are living so far away from.

  • Michelle McWaters September 4, 2017   Reply →

    “If you hold back your beauty you are abusing people”. Awesome revelation and so true. The subtleties of abuse need to be called out and in this interview called out they are. We can’t address the horrendous burden on society that physical and sexual abuse has unless we are prepared to see the subtleties of the abusive games we are already playing but refuse to see.

  • Gill Randall September 7, 2017   Reply →

    Serge Benhayon is so supportive with this episode to bring us back to loving relationships without judgement to live our lives without domestic violence and abuse. I am horrified that sexual abuse to so many young girls by the age of sixteen has become the norm, it shows how far away we are from the tender love and level of decency we all can be.

  • Rowena Stewart September 8, 2017   Reply →

    We are very sensitive beings and Serge Benhayon is the first person that I know of to shine a light on this irrefutable fact and make it our starting point in life. If we are encouraged to honour this sensitivity within our selves and within everyone else, our interactions take on a whole new quality, a delicate strength that enables us to express our selves with a clear, calm power, completely free of aggression or angst.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh September 9, 2017   Reply →

    There is a huge difference between lack of war, aggression or abuse and in contrast deeply loving, honouring and caring for one another. Looking at addressing the extreme behaviour such as domestic violence is a welcome first step, yet it is a long way from honouring our innate essence and supporting us to return to our true expression. Conversations as in this episode are a great way of deepening such awareness and inspiring that return.

  • Mary September 9, 2017   Reply →

    I totally agree with what Serge Benhayon says when he refers to the way we speak can carry abuse, which can be just as devastating as being physically abused. You may not see any bruising or cuts but the impact on the body is just as severe, and the effects can stay in the body for a lifetime.

  • Lucy Dahill September 9, 2017   Reply →

    This interview is so good. It really goes back to the beginning and asks us to address the level of decency and respect we have for each other as a way of addressing the growing rise of domestic abuse.

  • fiona lotherington September 10, 2017   Reply →

    This is an interview that I will have to watch several times, as there so many pearls of wisdom. Normally when you see an article or interview about domestic violence, it is all about statistics and blame or discussion about how to get men to stop being abusive. This interview goes light years beyond this and brings the responsibility back to us all. It also confirms that we are far from brutish by nature and reminds us of whom we are actually are.

  • Christoph Schnelle September 10, 2017   Reply →

    I find that what could be described as normal arguments between couples are still often very painful for both parties and it sometimes isn’t easy not to fall into despair during an argument. Add alcohol or other drugs and the mixture is very combustible.

  • Kerstin Salzer September 10, 2017   Reply →

    If we as human beings would be more aware in what kind of subtle movement we abuse each other and ourselves through our voice, how we look at each other, how we dress or move our body we would not have the problems we have now in our society, because we would need to be much more with ourselves in order to move in a harmonious way.

  • Ingrid Ward September 10, 2017   Reply →

    I wonder how many of us consider the possibility that allowing our inner critic a voice we are sanctioning a form of self-abuse; I certainly never did. Perhaps the lack of awareness of what self-abuse actually is commences with the presentation at an early age of the belief that looking after ourselves first is being selfish and from there our lack of respect for ourselves begins to grow.

    • Jennifer Smith September 12, 2017   Reply →

      I never did either Ingrid and I would consider that in some circles it would almost be considered as healthy, giving yourself a hard time. For the vast majority we would never speak to another person as we speak to ourselves. So we really need to consider what the effect of this is on our body. This then makes it a clear marker on how we treat others.

  • jennym September 10, 2017   Reply →

    There are many layers to responsibility in relationships especially when we consider that if we don’t relate with basic respect and decency it is abusive.

  • Michael Brown September 10, 2017   Reply →

    I love the open nature of these interviews. There is no agenda or point to prove, just 2 people talking openly and honestly about the state of humanity and sharing the wisdom they are.

  • Kerstin Salzer September 11, 2017   Reply →

    Through listening to this video I got aware how much protection and numbness I have built in my body in order to cope with the daily abuse. This protection numbs me to the point that I can live with a certain amount of abuse without having to change my way of being with myself. This revelation rocks me as it shows how much I live in defense and how I do not always let my love come through.

  • Rowena Stewart September 11, 2017   Reply →

    Watching this episode again I have been able to feel how incredibly painful it is when we choose to stop sharing our selves openly and honestly with one another. It is almost no different to punching someone. The subtly of our ability to abuse each other in this way runs deep, bringing our awareness to them is very empowering.

  • Gill Randall September 11, 2017   Reply →

    When I hear Serge Benhayon talk about a woman who does not speak with a nurturing voice, or a man who does not speak with a tender voice as abusive, it feels really sad. It exposes the level we are away from the love we can be.

  • Kathleen Baldwin September 12, 2017   Reply →

    This . . . .”The horrors of society are only a disguise for the beauty of who we truly are” . . . as stated by Serge Benhayon in this interview has given me much to ponder on as did the understanding that anything less than adoring our partners is abuse. Thank you Rebecca Asquith and Serge for such an insightful discussion on the age old problem of domestic violence.

  • Ariana Ray September 12, 2017   Reply →

    The sad thing is that too many people are not able to even recognise the abuse they live with everyday because it has become so normal. Serge Benhayon is showing us how to live in a way that has no abuse – that is revolutionary in this day and age.

  • Jennifer Smith September 12, 2017   Reply →

    I like the fact that Serge Benhayon talked about ‘boys will be boys’. It’s a saying that represents a big excuse and justification for poor and often degrading behaviour. The truth is that boys/men aren’t like what the meaning of that phrase portrays and Serge presents that men and women are much more that the behaviours that they choose.

  • Rowena Stewart September 13, 2017   Reply →

    Thanks to this episode I am realising more and more each day the subtly of abuse that plays out between people and realising my power in addressing it. In this process I am becoming aware of all I take for granted. I now know that appreciating one another and our selves each and every day is fundamental to all our relationships, it provides us with a living platform of true respect that everyone deserves.

  • Gill Randall September 13, 2017   Reply →

    This TV is well worth watching and listening to Serge Benhayon. Every episode has so many gems of truth to get us to realise how unloving we have been living as humanity. . The message needs to go viral to get out to people that we can choose a different way to live.

  • Kerstin Salzer September 14, 2017   Reply →

    The fact that every woman and man is extremely sensitive and often need healing and care to heal their hurts feels true in my heart. It is the key to not react, and to stop abusive behaviour. In many workshops with Serge Benhayon I received healing. I still sometimes react, but also I learn to be connected deeper to myself and my stillness, which allows me more often to observe situations rather than just react.

  • HM September 15, 2017   Reply →

    We are all deeply sensitive – and any abuse is the rejection of this sensitivity. What the state of play shows is that we know this sensitivity inside out and have gone to extremes to not feel this.

  • Ariana Ray September 15, 2017   Reply →

    Living with the beauty of the body shows up in stark relief, the ‘insanity’ of harming our own or another’s body, yet we have made this a normal today.

  • Natalie Hawthorne September 16, 2017   Reply →

    When we look at where we are as a society what Serge Benhayon is saying about making it our ‘system’ to make it about decency and respect I agree whole heartily. What we have accepted as normal and ok is so far below any level of decency and respect that until we start to say no this not our normal and in fact we are very far away from it nothing will truly change.

  • Ingrid Ward September 16, 2017   Reply →

    When Serge Benhayon first presented that the natural expression for men is tenderness I had one of those ‘of course it is’ moments where so much finally made sense. I could feel that I had spent so much time looking for this tenderness in a man, knowing it was there, only to be faced with the image that society had programmed him to be. To now be able to observe that behind that tough guy façade there is a beautiful, sweet, tender and delicate being who is just wanting be liberated from the destructive beliefs of society, feels so very joyous and full of so many possibilities.

  • Samantha September 16, 2017   Reply →

    Oh wow this episode offers so much, it totally exposes the victim and bully mentality, we are all super sensitive and getting to the root of why we hide this is a major first step in healing.

  • Natalie Hawthorne September 17, 2017   Reply →

    Ahhh the penny dropped listening to this, how the lack of intimacy in ones life is the fostering of all that is not of a true relationship. I have been aware of working on my intimacy with myself but haven’t fully clocked that when I am resisting such a relationship this brings in everything that is not. The jealousy, the comparison and the need for a true relationship. Bring it back to surrendering to my own intimacy with myself, being honest, expressing this and not feeling ashamed or that I have done something wrong… all of this opens the doors to true intimacy and relationships based on such things.

  • Stephen Gammack September 18, 2017   Reply →

    Addressing the extreme doesn’t work, for long time I have felt this. It is called zero tolerance in respect to domestic violence but we could say the same of any aspect of life. How much are we going to say is ok, imagine we said, the very way you talk is abusive, or the dropping of litter is too, the microcosm, when we address the little things the big things stand out and then we know we are at the very least on the right track. We are so much more than our petty behaviours, our violent tendencies, our argumentative actions. When we accept we are much much more than this then it is a foundation to change.

  • John O Connell September 19, 2017   Reply →

    ” I have been imparting the virtues of decency and respect that have the foundations of love and nothing else to them ” Its so wonderful to hear a man talk about his way of living in such a humble way and that benefits everyone.

  • Natalie Hawthorne September 20, 2017   Reply →

    Wow 1 in 3 women will be abused before the age of 16 and that is only the statistics for the ones that have been accounted for. This is insane and we all have a role to play in this. When I stop and reflect if I have anything to do with that, one could say no but really I am fully a part of this as I have chosen to not really look or be aware of such shocking statistics. Time to reflect on my own life and if there is any abuse on any level then this needs to be addressed and stopped lovingly so.

  • Gill Randall September 21, 2017   Reply →

    Each of these episodes from Sergebenhayon.tv bring a specific true message and understanding that how we are living is not how we are designed to be living. We are all from love and there should be no abuse in our lives. Serge Benhayon unravels and explains how we have got to this point energetically, especially how devastated men are with rejection as a result of not being nurtured.

  • Gill Randall September 21, 2017   Reply →

    I can relate to the woman who does not love herself, that is how I used to feel, and my husband used to ask me why did I not adore and love my body. I hadn’t understood that he was feeling that as rejection until now. Interestingly, he doesn’t ask it anymore as I feel more sexy than ever before, despite ageing, I love myself much more than 10 years ago.

  • Karin Barea September 22, 2017   Reply →

    This is a phenomenal watch. Abuse is rampant and it’s not confined to between couples but within the workplace and simply walking down the street. It’s brought home to me my responsibility. How I walk in life, how I meet people, being open with people – so not letting in abuse but not shutting people out in protection. This programme completely opens my eyes to how, when I am not honouring my inner beauty and expressing it, I am rejecting all those around me. How powerful we are; so when we do let our beauty shine others can feel this in themselves and can feel how possible this is for them too.

  • Ariana Ray September 22, 2017   Reply →

    ‘This is a must watch episode to support bringing the depth of love back to relationships.’ A a must watch episode it certainly is. We have become so inured to abuse in life, to call a halt to it is timely and much needed. Thank you Serge Benhayon.

  • HM September 23, 2017   Reply →

    It is so powerful that we can call things out that don’t feel loving as soon as they happen so they therefore can’t build to be anything more. We have such an opportunity to do this, to talk about how we feel before we even have to get to the stage of raising our voices.

  • Shami September 23, 2017   Reply →

    It is great to hear and to be given the opportunity to understand that as we move back towards a way of living with eachother that does not include abuse of any kind, there are many and some times very, difficult steps to take which may require a lot of understanding and a lot of insight but however this is not ever to discourage the journey or the work for the journey but in fact to spur it on even more, to gather a greater commitment to bringing us all back to the harmony that we all know is possible and crave so deeply.

  • Gill Randall September 23, 2017   Reply →

    Abuse happens on all levels because we have such a low level of decency and respect for each other, this is not how we are designed to be living. Serge Benhayon brings the truth that we need to drop the protection and break down the walls before we can turn this abuse around, from subtle psychological abuse, even the gestures we can dismiss to the stronger levels we presently accept. Life does not have to be this way we are in living so unlovingly.

  • Stephen Gammack September 24, 2017   Reply →

    “The horrors of society are a mere concealment of the wonders we are”. What a revelation, there is almost a collective sigh of relief that could be released in hearing this, that we need not be suckered into a hopelessness. To not be overwhelmed by depravity but an understanding that it is a way of blocking our beauty. We know that inside us all is a gorgeousness and that most of us have this very close to the surface, a deep care for others, an innate compassion and love of others. We just need more reflections that show us as we truly are and give others permission to live this same quality in every tiny speck of behaviour.

  • Rachel Murtagh September 24, 2017   Reply →

    It’s phenomenal to feel and connect to the root causes of abuse, why it occurs and how we let it in, even to the subtlest of levels.

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