Episode 12 - Sex, Nakedness and Making Love
Is your sex life feeling 2D? And if yes – is it because what happens in the bedroom is not the foremost determinant of the richness of your love life?
In this episode – the first in a series on Sex and Relationships – Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith talk about how we can establish a wholesome societal understanding of sex, the difference between sex and making love, the energetic factors that contribute to impotence and why sex and making love can be absolutely amazing and yet completely normal all at once.
Forget Sex in the City this is ‘Sex in the Rural’…there are no cocktails or $1000 shoes, but as usual, philosophy and substance on tap.
What a fascinating conversation to be having, which led me to wonder if we adored ourselves and each other would there be a need for prostitution? I was talking recently to a man who told me that he feels men go with prostitutes to lessen the feeling of rejection that they have around women. That women hold all the cards, as the men think they are in charge but actually it’s the woman who is in charge. It’s amazing the games we play with each other all to avoid true intimacy.
I love how this is about the quality we can experience all the time with our partner, it breaks the idea that there are only special moments, and opens us up to living a level of intimacy, deep love, and adoration together all the time.
I just caught what Rebecca said that if we say cook in function and just push past the other person to get to the pot, what are we saying about that relationship? What is the quality between the people whether it be a couple or friends. Could this be the malaise of our society where everything is lived at the surface level and there isn’t that depth of intimacy that we know can be there. We hold ourselves back from going deeper incase we are rejected in some way which reopens old hurts from when we were not appreciated for the gorgeousness we all are as children.
How prepared are we to let another person show us the depth of love they have for us. It can make us uncomfortable, especially if we do not have that for ourselves. As a woman, I have experienced this on several occasions – where I have rejected partners & made excuses as to why our relationship will not work. Reflecting back on it – the sole reason is that I could not accept the depth of love offered, simply because I did not have it for myself or feel like I deserved it. We are brought up in society which is constantly telling us that who we are is not enough, we grow up thinking we’re not worth it and therefore don’t know any better. Sensitive men are called weak & therefore true care is often mistaken as a weakness. Women want the tough macho man, yet we crave to be honoured and touched tenderly – but when that comes along, we don’t recognise it as that because society has dictated our vision differently.
What you say makes complete sense to me Viktoria, when someone tells us how much they appreciate and love us it is difficult to hear and settle with such tenderness, mainly because for the majority of us we have not been held with anything like tenderness when we were young so that it is an alien concept for us. It’s so easily done I know a child who was not shown any true tenderness was not cherished for all the love that they are and when presented with tenderness and care did not know how to deal with it and rejected it out of hand. Slowly I have watched them accept the love on offer and have melted the hardness they surrounded themselves with so that they can now express and receive love it has been amazing to watch the melting of the layers of protection. But not many of us get the opportunity to be held with such love, this fact is born out of the unloving society we live in.
How many of us have ever made love? Have we even considered it a possibility in our lives or do we think it can only happen to the lucky ones who are amazing in bed? Well isn’t it that the “skill” doesn’t matter so much, but more how you are treated – how much the other person honours who you are.
Love how this expands the topic from sex and that being about pivotal moments, to bringing an amazing shared quality with your partner throughout the whole day.
To be truly naked in front of another person, without any protection but just an open heart is probably one of the most beautiful feelings we can experience. For us, and for the person standing in front of us.
Growing up I was always interested in finding out about sex, this taboo subject that adults seemed to always avoid bringing up. So when I got to school, I ended up visiting the sex education nurse very regularly & ask her all sorts of questions – i got the educational, functional side of it – this is what happens and this is what could happen if you don’t do this, if you don’t use protection or abstain. I heard horror stories of what other people my age got up to & so on. But never was I ever spoken about the possibility that I could find a partner that would adore me to the core & an intimate act could be honouring of one another. That the respect and love we hold for each other in our every moment is then translated to the bedroom. This is such a precious teaching, it is beautiful and touches my heart. Is it possible that we are so crushed by the lack of this in our lives that the possibility seems ridiculous and sometimes our minds make it the exact opposite of what it really is?
If we have a problem with our sex life do we treat it as a symptom to fix or do we address how our life is that is leading to the issue?
This is the type of conversation we need, especially with our youth, to share that there is something greater than sex, it’s making love and that comes from the way we live, and are together, well before we are together physically in bed.
We champion a healthy sex life like it is going out of fashion, yet we promote unhealthy lifestyles and expect the two to marry up!
As young children we are totally in our bodies, we love ourselves full stop, makes you wonder what happens from there to teenage years where many of us by then are so self conscious and wishing we looked liked someone else – what ever do we teach our kids? – it aint working.
What do we reflect to our kids? It’s actually very simple, we’re always either reflecting the truth of who we are or the lie of who we’re not. There is no middle ground.
I loved the simplicity of what Serge presented about the link between adoration and transparency. By adoring ourselves we can more naturally share all of who we are, and likewise adoring others offers people the opportunity to be met and seen for who they are and invited to bring that forth and share it in full, and feeling safe and loved to do so.
A fabulous simple and powerful way of making sure every one of us is given the opportunity to feel honoured, appreciated and invited to express the full glory that we truly are.
Melinda, I got to feel adoration in my body recently, it is not something I’m familiar with but I knew instinctively the moment I felt it. It was not so much the adoration of me although I could feel this as a continuum of what I was feeling in the adoration of heaven and all that it is and all that it brings. In the adoration I feel everything changes because the magic of God is felt and seen, it feels boundless.
Best sex talk ever! I absolutely love how Serge Benhayon totally demystifies what sex is and, in the process, makes it so clear that is not just one ‘special’ moment in time between two people, but every single moment you spend with each other during the day – and night. How very different my life would have been if I’d had this wonderful ‘sex talk’ as I was growing up, instead of the very boring, and often very embarrassing, ones that we were presented with, in the 50’s and 60’s.
I watch my 2yr old run around happily with no clothes on- in the privacy of our home- totally ok with her body. It makes me consider how much we have, as adults, have not totally appreciated our bodies and their role for each of us. The more I love myself the more I am open with my body.
Making love in conversation is something so new but makes so much sense.
Once again Serge Benhayon so beautifully reminds us that we have been settling for a fraction of the gloriousness that is our true nature, and invites us to look at the areas that could do with observing and reflecting on whether we could take it deeper.
To be open is most definitely to be free.
Here is a study of not holding back even when you are specifically attacked for what you are saying.
And never wavering from presenting with an enormous level of love, transparency and honouring.
The concept of ‘making love’ used to be cringy to me, as I considered it to be some holistic sensual with lots of candles and mood lighting act. This video makes light-work of that picture and paints a beautiful scene of how making love is something real, practical and available in every moment of the day (and night 😉).
I love the science that we can set a standard of love in our lives that then anything below that just does not feature. And if it does, it is very clear that it does not belong.
Serge Benhayon has presented sex in a whole new light – reminding us that it is not a derogatory word – but the way we use it has made it less. What if the standard of having sex was to be truly intimate and honoring of each other. Rather than what we perceive it to be as a crude, power hungry mechanical action that has no love attached.
Watching this very revelatory interview with Serge Benhayon I couldn’t help wondering what our lives would be like if we had this sort of ‘sex education’ presented to us at school. I am sure that it would not be a class that many would want to skip out on. And another thing I am sure of is, that the quality of our relationships and not just intimate ones, would improve out of sight, as would the whole of our lives.
Oh yes please, roll on that day when this level of deep care, honouring and confirmation of our exquisite divine essence IS the way ‘sex education’ is presented. What a magnificent foundation for relationships – with ourself and All others, as well as our chosen sexual partners – this would be.
It is perhaps one of the greatest teachings currently available today, the fact that we can be intimate with our partners as a way to confirm the love and the adoration that we feel for them, and so intercourse does not have to be about reaching for the big climax but rather about appreciating one another to the fullest most tender depths of our expression.
Celebrating on what has already occurred and confirming this with each other by making love to me is the ultimate way to be having relationships with our partners. That it is in every detail, expression and movement that holds us in union no matter where we are together.
I love how Serge Benhayon makes it so clear that making love is a celebration of each moment we spend together, each moment building on the other and not even needing the physical act to complete the confirmation of how we feel about each other.
It’s quite clear to me that there is love, and then there’s luurrve, and the latter is that one that just oozes out of your body with every step.
True nakedness and intimacy has nothing to do with whether you have your clothes on or not, and far more to do with how willing are you to be transparent and express from your heart. Oh how we have been led up the garden path by the many false ideals and pictures about sex and romance we have been subscribing to.
This provides insight to a topic we don’t openly talk about. Yet sex is normal – we just choose to make it a big deal and in doing so we put it onto a box when in fact it can be a normal part of our lives.
To have a perspective on sex that isn’t driven towards performance is quite refreshing.