Episode 13 - Gender, Toxic Masculinity and The Energetic Hermaphrodite

As gender based violence and exploitation – in the home and especially now in the workplace – attract widespread publicity and condemnation, the term ‘toxic masculinity’ has become a buzzword for those alarmed at the intractability of the ‘power-gap’ between the genders.

With the depth of this conversation often going no deeper than telling men to ‘behave themselves’, to ‘respect women’, to ‘rein in their aggression’, it is little wonder that there is a strong pushback by some men against being tagged as woman haters and sociopaths.

Of course it’s never a surprise that if you ask the wrong questions, you’ll mainly get the wrong answers. The concept of the energetic hermaphrodite, introduced here, provides the clue that we have perennially been asking the wrong questions.

Serge Benhayon explains that our obsession with self-image and identification, equally subscribed to by both genders, acts as a massive distraction that further prevents us from asking the correct questions and making accurate observations that could gain us traction against this scourge.

In conversation with Rebecca Asquith, Serge allows that ‘toxic femininity’ also exists. He poses the questions that allow us to redirect our enquiry away from the assumed differences between the sexes – the ‘Mars-Venus’ gulf – and back to our true natures, where the actual differences are . . . ?

Watch this compelling video and you’ll be able to complete that last sentence.

Oh . . . and possibly gain a totally new understanding of how to relate in this troubled world.

#EnergeticHermaphrodite #GenderStereotypes #ToxicMasculinity


  • jenny mcgee July 17, 2018   Reply →

    Competing with men at the role level only takes us further away from living our sacredness and bringing the fullness of who we are in life.

  • Michael Brown July 17, 2018   Reply →

    Beautiful sense of freedom to hear that our type of body does not limit our expression or movement.

  • Rachael Evans July 16, 2018   Reply →

    I wonder if things like football, cage fighting, boxing and other extreme sports would even exist if we weren’t so lost on the true qualities of gender. Feels like without the branding of gender that we currently are bound by, we would be much more free to simply be who we are and do what we are here to do, in that do what are bodies are called to do and I can safely say that that would not involve any self-harming activities for entertainment!

  • rosanna bianchini July 16, 2018   Reply →

    “The distractions are our identifiers”, this really helps to explain why it is so ingrained and so difficult for men to come back to their natural tenderness and sensitivity, if everything they build into life that identifies them are the very interests that distract them from knowing their true nature and role in life.

  • Shami July 16, 2018   Reply →

    Entertainment has become so normal, it is part of the very fabric that makes up life today. And yet, Serge Benhayon is presenting here that if this is the case, we need to look at what is going on, because this is in fact not our natural way. And I agree with this, as if we look back in our history, theatre, books and sport were all activities that we engaged in as communities for very specific purposes at very specific times in the yearly calendar, as opposed to now when there is no stop to the constant stream of entertainment options, which if we take a close or even not so close look, it is clear to see that there are people within our societies who are struggling on many levels. But Serge does not blame here the entertainment industry, he simply asks us to look at how we are living to need it to be the way that it is.

  • Natalie Hawthorne July 16, 2018   Reply →

    Being identified by our gender is what has created the world today where we are so disconnected from each other. When Serge delivers the truth of our equality then this strips us from our gender on an energetic level which gives us the space to express all of who we truly are without reservation.

  • Carolien Braakenburg July 16, 2018   Reply →

    To come to see and feel that the way we delineate ourselves and that which we identify ourselves with is in fact a cave in which we keep ourselves imprissoned is life changing. As Serge says we need to become very honest about the fact that it simply is not working.

  • Joseph Barker July 15, 2018   Reply →

    Serge Benhayon consistently presents the topics we need to be discussing as humanity – despite the fact that so many of us would prefer to chat about sport or the latest Netflix series. I adore the way he playfully speaks the truth and models to us the way we as people can be – an amazing blend of masculinity and femininity.

  • Gill Randall July 14, 2018   Reply →

    Why on earth we define ourselves in a package of gender stereotypes feels quite crazy, and as Serge Benhayon says, it’s a prison most of us don’t even realise we are in and it feels true that the distractions are our identifiers how we are in those roles are our starting place to find our way out from this behaviour.

  • Jennifer Smith July 14, 2018   Reply →

    I love the level of detail that Serge goes to in talking about the role we take on. The type of builder I am as an example. Always Serge talks to everyone with everything that he shares, so even though I am not a builder or even a man I can see that in the various roles that I have I am a certain way and I am invested in being that certain way. It will be great to look into this more into how I am in life in greater detail.

  • Jennifer Smith July 14, 2018   Reply →

    We limit ourselves in and through life by limiting ourselves to what it is that we see physically with our eyes and what we believe we must be to fulfil a particular role.

  • Joseph Barker July 13, 2018   Reply →

    So much talk in the media about masculinity but it all just cements men in the same old cage. What Serge Benhayon presents here is sublime music to my ears – that we all have access to the wisdom of the universe.

  • Matilda Bathurst July 13, 2018   Reply →

    The absolute truth about gender and the gap we choose to keep, feed and widen. What if there is no gender divide… are we ready to live this equality? This is an astounding, inspiring and pattern breaking interview. Thank you Serge and Rebecca.

  • Gabriele Conrad July 13, 2018   Reply →

    Is is certainly true that we don’t know we are in a paradigm, its captive in other words, just like the fish doesn’t know it swims in water and that there are other elements. The paradigm becomes a second skin and bulwark, an uneasy comfort and defence and ‘get away from me’ kind of protective wall.

  • Joseph Barker July 12, 2018   Reply →

    Living a lie in the name of our gender is sure to lead to toxicity. We are so much grander than the stereotypes we’ve signed up to. Serge Benhayon inspires me to live what I feel not the ideals I’ve signed up to.

  • Joshua Campbell July 12, 2018   Reply →

    When we understand the true expression of femaleness and maleness we will know that we are more than just human

  • HM July 12, 2018   Reply →

    What a huge topic to unpack – the role identifiers that put pressures on how men are in the world. And it is true that we play roles within roles to help identify us and have some sense of belonging in the world, when in fact we belong to something so much bigger when we let identity go.

    • Chan Ly July 14, 2018   Reply →

      And I love how Serge points out that we have roles within roles, and it is like walking into an invisible prison cell where we think we are free to do whatever we want but we are bound and restricted in so many ways to stop us from being who we truly are, and once we are in a cell we are not free at all.

  • Jennifer Smith July 12, 2018   Reply →

    “What type of life is that if I need to escape it? If you need to escape from life, then there is something wrong with life.” This comment says it all really and is worth ponder on much more. Actually I could spend a whole day unpacking this.

    • Gabriele Conrad July 13, 2018   Reply →

      What’s wrong not with life per se but with one’s life as lived and moved on a daily basis and every moment of the day, that is the question here. We keep creating what we then bitterly complain about and feel victimised by.

      • Jennifer Smith July 14, 2018   Reply →

        Great point Gabriele, therein lies our irresponsibility for we do not see our hand in action in our own life or we choose not to. It’s not the easiest place to go to see that we are the creators of what we live and live in. Its always easier to blame another which is yet another deeper cave we place ourselves in.

      • Chan Ly July 14, 2018   Reply →

        Towards the very end of this stunning interview, I recall Serge Benhayon sharing that if we need entertainment in life, then we should look at why this is the case because life itself should be entertaining. So, this inspired me to ponder. We must live a very dull and boring life if we constantly need and seek entertainment.

  • Ariana Ray July 12, 2018   Reply →

    Gender based toxicity – that’s a real concern that we have not yet begin to address. In this episode Serge Benhayon talks about healing the toxicity and bringing the understanding of the energetic hermaphrodite into the equation. If you thought you had heard it all – this you do not want to miss – it’s pure gold for healing the relationships between men and women.

    • Jennifer Smith July 14, 2018   Reply →

      Yes we don’t even know that the version of being a man or being a woman that we may be living is toxic. Wouldn’t this be great discussions for daytime TV? or even discussion for the lunch room at work. But lets go there without the blame, lets explore honestly and openly and see how we have all been part of this version of what we think gender is.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh July 12, 2018   Reply →

    It makes so much sense that every single one of us have an equal measure of love, preciousness, tenderness, ability to be sacred and nurturing, as well as the ability to live the outward expression of such love. Shows up the ridiculousness of the many prescribed pictures of how men and women ought to be, which at best have us live a shadow of the stupendousness that is our true expression.

  • Fumiyo Egashira July 11, 2018   Reply →

    I so love how Serge Benhayon deconstructs questions we pause in search of answers/solutions, and how that inverts the question back to us to see how when we define a problem, we are already placing ourselves in a rather confined place, almost hoping that the truth would never find us.

    • Nicola Lessing July 16, 2018   Reply →

      I agree – Serge Benhayon tackles the essential questions that we very strangely don’t think to ask and then when you hear them being asked one of the first questions that comes up is why didn’t I ask that question for it is so obvious and essential.

    • Nicola Lessing July 16, 2018   Reply →

      Asking a true question already contains the answer just as asking a false question avoids it.

  • Aimee July 11, 2018   Reply →

    Love the depth in which you both go to uncover what is really going on. What I see is when a man is with a woman that sees him for who he is he just melts and is able to show himself, same goes for a woman in the presence of a man who isn’t trying to be anything or put on a tough persona, a woman also melts. When we see each other as a gender and the roles we partake in that gender only we reject ourselves and each other and all the behaviours to cope with that come after.

  • Natalie Hawthorne July 11, 2018   Reply →

    Here we go another show stopper with absolute exceptional insight and truth of what really is at play. We all have an essential role to play in this. There is so much on offer with what Serge Benhayon is sharing that we can either explore and experiment for ourselves and be deeply honest along the way or we continue in a way that adds to the statistics of humanity where our bodies start to tell the whole truth of our choices.

  • Jennifer Smith July 11, 2018   Reply →

    I love what Serge is sharing about how man can be identified by their distractions and without the distractions of life we are not fulfilled. This can also be said for women as well. How much do we identify who are by all that we do? And how much of that what we do prevents us from stopping and connecting to who we are. Its certainly not about not doing anything or going and sitting in a cave to meditate. We can still do all we need to do, but somewhere along the line its about letting go of being identified as a person by this. The questions that come to mind for me here are what does is mean to be a man or what does it mean to be a woman? As a woman I have to say that that is the first time I have asked myself that and something that is very much worth pondering more deeply on.

  • Melinda Knights July 10, 2018   Reply →

    It’s a truly huge difference, the prescribed way to be a man or a woman, or the natural way we can connect to within and express from our soul. The prescribed stereotypes are different in each generation, each culture, etc, but wouldn’t there be a one unified way if we simply allowed ourselves to be as we naturally are? That natural innate way would be something that would unify us, as although there would be unique expressions of it we would essentially be letting go of all that is constructed and false that only serves to divide us further by creating even more differences worldwide.

  • Gabriele Conrad July 10, 2018   Reply →

    It seems that it suits some people to freak out at the sheer mention of the word ‘hermaphrodite’; a bit like a contagious disease they might contract or, alternately, something to be scorned and ridiculed. This interview makes it abundantly clear what the energetic hermaphrodite is and how this energetic state of being can enrich us all.

  • Ingrid Ward July 10, 2018   Reply →

    Once again, and in his usual open and expansive style, Serge Benhayon exposes the truths behind another area of society which has been functioning in a way which harms us all; the question of the roles and expectations of men and women in society today. The toxicity of living in a way that is foreign to us as both men and women keeps us living so much less than the wonderful beings we naturally are and, in the process, the whole world suffers.

  • Joshua Campbell July 10, 2018   Reply →

    Amazing interview on a topic that is needed to be talked about and deeply explored. Masculinity and Femininity are dominating our society today and we are plagued left right and centre and even behind and above and below with the bombardment of how they both differ and are defined. It is perhaps one of the root forms of separation within our race.

  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh July 10, 2018   Reply →

    I so deeply appreciate how Serge Benhayon always takes the issue past the usual place of finger pointing and blaming one person or another, or in cases as this vilifying a whole group of people, and inspires a deeper level of observation, understanding, love of people and personal responsibility.

  • Lieke July 10, 2018   Reply →

    We in society look for the answers in the one gender and try to be the true man or woman by getting really manly or womanly. Yet that the truth is in being in balance with both gender expressions and that is what is very beautiful and it feels natural too. The truth is always so simple.

  • Rik Connors July 9, 2018   Reply →

    Very interesting and intriguing to hear about the energetic Hermaphrodite that is both male and female. What has opened me into more of feeling sexy like a woman is the sacred movement healing modality (https://www.esotericwomenshealth.com/sacred-movement.html). It actually feels great in the body where you can feel your sexiness. I always clock it when I feel a man who is feminine. I think it is true sexiness and will be the trend of the future.

  • Jennifer Smith July 9, 2018   Reply →

    These conversation just keep getting better and better. Thank you Serge Rebecca and team for bringing these conversations into our homes. There is so much just in this episode.

    When Serge was sharing about how at the age of 8 he clearly made a decision as to how he was going to be, so that people leave you alone. I recall similar things for me, probably at a similar age when I did really well at school at a maths test, when previously I did not and I didn’t like the attention that I received, so I returned to not doing so well at school because it was easier and people really didn’t need to take any notice of you. It was like I knew if I held back on showing people who I was, then I wasn’t going to put anyone else nose out of joint and I wouldn’t have the spot light on me either.

    No doubt we have all done similar things, which is important to discuss and put out in the open, because it determines how we will be in life if we are not bringing honesty about this.

    • Matilda Bathurst July 13, 2018   Reply →

      This would make for some really interesting conversations and revelations if we all explored those moments when we modified ourselves to ‘fit in’, retain a status quo and/or not put others’ noses out of joint. My questions used to upset people so I learnt to be quiet. Knowing this brings great understanding to my default behaviour now, and this understanding is a true opportunity to make different choices.

  • Carmel Reid July 9, 2018   Reply →

    There is a lot still to explore in terms of how men and women define themselves and who we truly are

  • Fiona L July 9, 2018   Reply →

    I loved the simplicity and reality of what was shared in this interview. We have terms now for toxic masculinity and femininity, but terms can, like statistics leave us detached and disconnected from people. Serge Benhayon puts it beautifully when he says, we have the terms but what we really have is a lot of prisoners, trapped in the gender identity and unable to access their equal and complimentary aspect.

  • Mary July 9, 2018   Reply →

    These interviews are so interesting because they offer a different perspective of what we term life.
    Working in a male dominated industry I have actually had many conversations with men and the aggression and ‘macho man’ they show and the walls they put up are all to protect the fact they feel very vulnerable and fragile and our current society is not set up to allow them to connect to this side of themselves. But when they do they are complete teddy bears as I call them and it is so gorgeous to watch them just for a small time re connect and express from the sweetness they naturally are.

    • Golnaz Shariatzadeh July 10, 2018   Reply →

      These walls and prisons we have created for ourselves and the way we keep ourselves and each other trapped are horrendous. Wonderful that there are people like you who make the point of offering others the space to step outside such confines and start experiencing the magnificence of their true expression.

  • Leigh July 9, 2018   Reply →

    I love how deep these conversations go.

  • Lucy Dahill July 9, 2018   Reply →

    Delineating ourselves based on gender reduces what we can offer in our lives. That does not mean I don’t embrace in full being in a female body but it does not define who I am.

    • David July 11, 2018   Reply →

      Lucy its something we never really consider, what if we are all designed to be equal regardless of gender? Equal in the true sense? Thats what this episode asked me to consider.

    • Matilda Bathurst July 13, 2018   Reply →

      Because of the gender divide I avoided embracing being a woman, having picked up the belief that it was lesser; with much support and inspiration from presentations such as this interview I have worked through this mis-belief, started to enjoy being a woman at the same time as not being exclusively identified by it, understanding our true equality as energetic hermaphrodites.

    • Michael Brown July 15, 2018   Reply →

      Love this Lucy – needs to be broadcast on all the airwaves!

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