Episode 5 - The State of Play Between Men and Women
When 1 woman a week is killed by a current or former partner in Australia and when men’s violence towards other men is even more prevalent again, what is truly going on for men?
Boys are born with a natural tenderness and fragility, so what is being fostered in our society that would render men capable of domestic violence many years later? And why do some women say they like ’tough guys?’
In this sensitive and considered interview, Serge Benhayon and Rebecca Asquith explore the state of play between men and women and the essence of what a true expression of gender could look like, beyond the manufactured male/female ideals we are conditioned by.
The beauty of a true philosopher is they can act like a compass and support humanity when they are lost, to navigate back to a true way of living and being. To me that is Serge Benhayon, and my life is reflection of how profound and practical his work is – it’s all encompassing and touches every part of life.
When the very makeup of our society is wholly against what we call our true nature it has been very difficult to believe that there will ever be a change in the way that we treat each other. Then along comes Serge Benhayon and proves by his everyday living that there can be a way to live where we can respect each other and live with integrity these two small words respect and integrity have been lost in our society but they will come back as will the words true love, being divine and knowing our true origins. The tide is running and cannot be stopped.
Got to love that final cheeky smile by Serge! Thank you Rebecca you’re a delight to listen to also. It’s a great term “the truth of our beingness” as it explains so much about why our behaviours and persona don’t match who we were as kids, as we’ve created versions of genders with an expectation we have to mould ourselves into those. We see the outplay of it all in life and a very unhealthy society lacking harmony with each other as we are completely out of harmony with ourselves.
If we can grasp the bomb that Serge Benhayon dropped that we have generated a reality that we consider is real but we have generated the reality when actually the reality is the complete opposite to what is real. Then may be we will understand we have been living a false way of life for so many aeons that we have made it our truth but it doesn’t stop it from being a lie and a false reality. This is massive and if we can grasp the enormity of this then maybe we can start to heal the gross lie we have all be generating.
We have definitely in my experience forgotten that there is a being within the human-being that actually is the greater part of who we are. Why we have set about generation after generation to crush the being has been made clear to us. Our spirit is the part that is crushing the being as it seeks mastery over our body and it is the Ageless Wisdom in this era brought to humanity by Serge Benhayon that explains this and more. I can say it has taken me a long, long time to feel this divine being within me and now I can feel it I would not want to harm it or anyone else because I now know they also have this precious being within them. Imagine how life would be if we all got to feel our divine being again, it would completely change how we interact with each other. To me the first step is to gain mastery over our wayward spirit.
As a woman, there is so much I can say about this topic. There is such a dynamic between the two genders which is so toxic and so harmful for another. How many of us women love the men in our lives simply for the glorious beings that they are? How many of us go to them in need, in the need to be protected, cared for and loved? We lacked that as little girls from our fathers, brothers & grandfathers so then we go out and look for a husband who can replace that lack, fulfill the void. In that need we place demands on men, their shoulders feel burdened with the need to be a provider, to care for the woman & that pressure can lash out in many different ways. We don’t realise that when we behave in such a way towards men, we are constantly nibbling away at their heart – we build their insecurities, and support them to feel worthless. All of these attributes lead to men who are not sensitive, who are dismissive and sometimes misogynist. Of course it is men’s role to take responsibility and not allow these expectations to affect them in such a manner, but it is our responsibility to not add fuel to the fire and learn to love ourselves without the need of man to confirm us.
We don’t value the being at its essence and it’s qualities, and so we allow a moulding process to inform the genders about how they are to be, but we’ve missed the fact that we are born fully formed as beings, and that can just be left to be, and nurtured and fostered to express in full when needed.
Intimate partner violence has never been at such high levels globally, yet what are we doing to change it? Are we teaching our children to be sensitive, tender and caring, or are they still living the violence of sport and having to ‘man up’ or toughen up to the harshness of our societies?
Ariana from what I witnessed the other day we are not supporting our children to remain in their sensitivity. I walked past a mother pushing a young child in a ‘buggy’ and the child sneezed and the mother said to the child,
“serves you bl…y right I told you to put a warmer coat on”.
The child did have a coat on actually but the words were spoken with such venom, I could feel the child cringe and contract. I know from personal experience that when a child starts to withdraw from life because they feel unsafe then there is a high chance they will have issues with life as they grow older. The mother is obviously struggling herself. It seems to me we have put our focus on education and based our intelligence on what degree we have above raising and supporting our children to know who they are. If the mother has not been supported in this way how is it possible for her to support her own child growing up? And so we perpetuate the misery we live in.
What concerns me is the attitude “boys will be boys” when young boys are aggressive and violent.
What is possible in the relationship between men and women is now a whole different ball game. Serge Benhayon sets the scene for a whole different way of relating.
Having an honouring relationship with ourselves and each other is spectacular, when you consider how bad it has been for way too long with women dying every week. A change has to come and this change is lived by Serge Benhayon. The respect and honouring he gives to people is second to none.
True love between and a man and woman is such an inspiring sight to behold.
I have heard a lot of talk about gender equality over my life, and what Serge shares about the commonality of our essence, which is then expressed a little differently through the male or female body, makes sense. So often I hear gender equality based on function and performance, what we can do in the world and our physicality, not the essence of who we are. It’s easy to see our inner essence in babies and children, there is a strong sense of their qualities like tenderness, love and delicateness, and they may express it a little differently but the beauty of who they are is very much the same regardless of gender.
Separation is the common theme here, whether it be colour, creed, religion, race or gender, the more we rely on these for identification, the more we will find ourselves in a world where love is not the precedent.
I’ve always recognised that people learn behaviours and traits, and so it’s difficult to label a person with an action given that we, as a society, have taught them that.
‘Sensitivity is in all of us’ says Serge Benhayon, what a truth to present to a world that is bent on staying as hard as possible to avoid what is so true.
Sensitivity is in all of us – if we all accepted this, the world would be a very different place than it is today.
What Serge Benhayon so wisely shares in this episode, that men and women are equally sensitive, delicate and tender, totally blows apart one of the hugely damaging beliefs that to be a man you have to toughen up, a belief that has only served to widen the gap that has been falsely built between the two genders. So just imagine if every boy was raised to know and to retain his natural qualities, what a different and more harmonious world we would live in.
I agree Ingrid as it was mentioned in this conversation between Rebecca and Serge boys are not born tough, so therefore we as the adults must be raising them to be tough. And we can see this because even by the time they reach 5 years old many have completely changed their personality so what is happening in the family dynamics for this to occur?
I love the way Serge Benhayon always sheds light on the big elephant in the corner that most of us would rather not talk about and some of us even claim does not exist. And very supportive how he does this in the context of the love, sensitivity and awareness that is deep down in every single one of us regardless of the facades we have put on top of it or the behaviour we might be displaying.
There’s is definitely a big Elephant in the room Golnaz it is the misrepresentation of family life
As a race of human-beings we seem to take for granted that we are abusive towards each other. This is what we call ‘family life’ where we ‘think’ we have a right to abuse each other because we can. I remember a family member saying to me they had a right to abuse me because I was younger and they were older, it gave them an age entitlement over me. Serge Benhayon has shed light on the falsity of so-called ‘family life’ so that we can come to an understanding that this is not how we behave towards each other, this is not true family and from this understanding I can see that family life is the complete opposite of what family life should be. I have discovered that so many pillars of our society are built on lies ‘family life’ being one of them and we take them for granted in this life but they are actually the complete opposite of how life can be and that we are all equally responsible for the rottenness of so called ‘family life’ we all live in.
This is the conversation we really need to have. Serge is getting under the foundation of how we live as men and women, and that it is currently a foundation not based on our natural qualities. If we were to return to our true essence, everything about society would change.
Unless we as women learn to honour and nourish the natural qualities within us then there were always be men in demand of that which is not who we truly are. It is not a question of pleasing or seeking love from outside of us in any way, shape or form but an absolute love lived for ourselves as women and this can play out in many different ways in every area of our lives.
Getting back to the truth of tenderness within us all is not small thing. Serge Benhayon is bringing us back to the truth of who we are.
I love this, for all those who don’t get how fragile we are – cut your finger by accident and you will know just how fragile and delicate we all are.
To look at another knowing that we all have the same degree of sensitivity within us – that is real and very loveable.
Serge Benhayon talks about the fact that sensitivity is in all of us – men and women alike, we are all tender and fragile.
Both men and women spend a great deal of time in a state where we are not being who we are. Tender delicate fragile and sensitive are words that we do not associate with ourselves and yet that is precisely who we are in every way. Man or woman these qualities are equally present. The effort that we use to not feel this within ourselves is gargantuan. So its understandable that we need to slowly peel back the layers we have put in the way, so that we can not only feel these very beautiful qualities but live then and that we we will know intimately who we are from the inside out.
It feels to me as though we are living in a bubble which is encapsulated within the body of God which to me is heaven. The life we all live within this bubble is contra to the way of life outside the bubble. We are herded together and kept constantly distracted so that there is no space to pause and question this life we lead. That is until Serge Benhayon came along and opened up the discussion and the possibility that the way we are with ourselves and others can change, just because we feel life has always been a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s true.
What comes through strongly here is that we have an essence within us but somewhere along the line as we grow and develop we make steps away from your true selves, and it may be that we take so many steps that our expression becomes so foreign to our innate essence that violence or abuse is normal.
I love the different approach – instead of blame and focusing on patching over the issues, to start from the magnificence that we could be living and let that guide our unfolding back to the glory of our true expression.
To let go of the blame game is such a powerful and life-changing choice to make, and as it is most likely a game that we have all played at some stage, to varying degrees, how different society would be with its demise. And in letting go of the blame we offer ourselves the space to acknowledge that our life is our responsibility and once we say yes to it, life cannot help but begin to change shape in many amazing ways.
Any one of us choosing to live our true essence – with a steady reflection of the love, sensitivity, tenderness and joy that is our innate expression – would facilitate a knock on effect of inspiring and confirming the same in all others.
The statement about not living the reality of our beingness is very true, we definitely are not born aggressive, self destructive, or abusive. We are so pure, innocent and delightful as children, emanating many beautiful natural qualities until the world intrudes to impose expectations, beliefs and ideals, etc, and we change ourselves and begin to live someone other than our natural state of being.
We paint ourselves as a victim of gender stereotypes when in fact this is a behaviour we have to not be in touch with what it means for each of us personally to be a male or female.